The whistle’s cry cuts through the silence. The bars bent like broken bones. Smoke bellows from a gunmetal mouth. The clouds fade to gray and the ashen air takes their breath away. The wood underfoot is aged, decayed. As is the tie of two that stand upon. Splintered surface, splintered hearts. Chiseled away by broken promises. So turn and go, it's time to leave this place. There's nothing left for him to say. So turn and go, it's time to leave this place. There's nothing left for her to say. His hands tremble, heart beats with unfixed pace. His conscious, relentless, a painful ringing in his head. Her hands settle, heart beats with steady pace. She's jaded, exerted, she needs to rest her weary head. And so he's left with letters she's always sent. Handwritten postcards; reminders of way back when their bond was stronger. And her words depicted how the travels were nothing but distance: Their ease serene, the calmest composure, it made them vivid, and it brought them closer. And so he's left unable to connect what he's lost to the day they first met. In this calm and quiet, he longs to hear her voice break the silence. But instead, he is met with her absence. But instead, he is left with her absence. And that train rolls farther away, farther away, farther and farther. And with time she grows farther away, farther away, farther and farther. In this calm and quiet, he longs to hear her voice break the silence.

This is my cancer that spreads into my veins. It grabbed a hold of my thoughts and left me physically drained. Am I nothing but obsessions that left my body as a shell? I’ve become a distant stranger, far from the kid I used to be. I am your profit. Make money off my misery. Feed my delusions of the man I strive to be. I am at your disposal. That’s what you wanted all along. That’s what you wanted all along. When I sleep at night I pray for comfort that one day I’ll find what it is I’m looking for. You make me destructive.

Ten million minutes pass and I grip you, encased in gold. I have claimed you as mine to hold: in my pocket, in my fist, in a fortress. I’ve aged, and see the value in your hands now I’m no longer seeking safety as much as I’m seeking to save my minutes that escape. Now crush this watch upon the ground Watch the hands as they quake Among shards smaller than the seconds counted. The truth glitters like the broken face: Minutes can’t be stored away, only spent in their given day. In fear of losing my time granted, Comes knowing that it was never, Knowing time was never mine to keep. Smiling, sure and brave, With the brilliant setting sun, time slips down a radiant horizon steep. Eternity. Entirety. I think, “Every letter shared.” As I am called to sleep.

Always leading losing battles with no meaning, I’ll be the one to blame when everyone I’ve loved forgets my name. Oh, I can write it down, but history decides who sticks around.

My mother, the saint. Alone in her room she prays For her boy to get his head straight On the eve of 1998. Kid, you’ve got to live day by day; Find your purpose, a reason to wake. It’s been years, mom, but look what I’ve made. I was eight years old when the pain took it’s hold, When my stomach caught the burn Like a man with a lie in his throat and blood on his hands. I buried my head. I thought about ending it. Because sleep is easy but I’ll have to wake again. She swallowed the hurt and went away to work With a sound heart and nimble fingers to remind us of her warmth. How many people has she met? How many problems has she taken on? But she’s still standing. She’s still standing. What fabric may stand the test of time? What selection is most pleasing to the eye? What stitch may hold this patchwork together? It’s been years since my construction and I think I’m doing fine. I’m still standing. It’s still worth it. I’m still breathing. Found my purpose. When the morning sun hits these hooded eyes, With my back straight and my head held high, I’ll do my best to bring your empty world some light.

i won't go back to when my days all overlapped. i won't go back to when my feelings were unsurpassed. i wont' go back. i don't want to keep living in my past. i won't go back. no. you came suddenly like a hurricane or a splinter. i felt like the rain was falling over. you laid your fragile bones by the shore, still breathing and safe. through the camera. in my last moments you were impaled by your answers. i don't want to forget, i just need to fucking quit. you left me standing here, knee deep in the atlantic, clinging to ghastly memories, lost in your shallows. and i will never change. and when the sun came down, i didn't feel any different. and when the sun came down, i thought i left these ghosts buried in the ground. we paced the cliffside as if we knew anything else. we clung to each other like the grains of sand you so quickly gave away. i fingertip-toed your waistline searching for something deeper inside of us.

"Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer."

And every moment I lose without you, fighting interference between my mind and the tip of my tongue, I am lost. Tripping over my words, over insanity, racking my every thought, drowning this conviction behind an apathetic mask. A numberless cigarette lit twixt my fingers, burning like the fire that beauty held in your eyes, piercing me like a conscience, shattering the glass of memory reflecting my imperfections, smoldering bridges sinking behind me in hopes for a second chance. So embrace me, dreams, for you are mine; awake to a whirlwind staying swift through my fingers, my dream of you was all I had. So give me a heart where I can't feel, for all I need in my life is that which eludes me, that which I let get away, remaining a haunting thought of what could have been. Can you feel my beating heart? Buried beneath the backyard- the place we used to live, where we stood on our own. We were rooted in this home. Where we exhaled our last breath and watched the summer fade to blackness. We held our hands tight and spoke softly of the distance, as to which our hearts were to lie. And the night kissed us softly on the cheek and we each, the trees bowed before our knees as to exact the point of growing fond of the memories we would never let die. Can you feel my beating heart? Buried beneath the backyard- the place we used to live, where we stood on our own. We were rooted in this home. Where we exhaled our last breath and watched the summer fade to blackness. I will let you go if you want me to.

I chipped my tooth on the bottle now she'll never see me smile you could have loved who i used to be 'til this ruined me i traded my best friend to fill an empty bed that i still lie sleepless in i lost my best friend i lost everything

Losing ground and losing faith falling full circle on my face I saw my self cowering down, Opening up I let the emptiness out you said "just be honest to me" I even knew it might set me free but i have no chance in confronting who i used to one day ill open the past up and over analyze just because i cling to you like blood to a wound as if my letting go would be bad for us both My mistakes still echo these four walls and i wont forgive myself for anything The shade of your skin in the jersey twilight oil painted on canvas stops the aching and I still need you (i cant come back from this) and I still hear you ( i cant come back from this) and I still feel you (i cant come back from this) and I will open up(i cant come back from this)

This is something I will never have And this is where I stand My hope’s chosen the long way home Yet my faith keeps urging me on Belief and my reality is Fading in front of me Day or night it’s every move I make Searching for myself in this Haunts every turn I take And who I’ll always be This is who I’ll always be There’s no one to assign it to, so it's all misused These premonitions of a lost ambition There’s no one to appoint it for These things don’t come Over night Now I see the worlds Wasted lust to succeed A frustrated heart That will never seem at ease With aspirations that might never Find their peace Endurance in my backbone It’s always so predictable Growing until it’s All I know Waiting on something to truly blow my mind And when I get there I know that I will really feel alive I’ll feel alive This endurance in An earnest light Seeking those That are striving to see the same, thing I need to pick myself back up again But after all I’ll always be So appalled Discontent and unfulfilled Is how this story unfolds This is the only thing that really moves me So fear will not slow me down These things don’t come Over night Now I see the worlds Wasted lust to succeed A frustrated heart That will never seem at ease With aspirations that might Never find their peace

Consider it a favor, you and I The way we left without a goodbye. I guess I'll take the blame for this once more This pain is nothing I haven't felt before. Into my ears and deep inside my head I think about all the lies that I was fed. They crawl underneath my skin And now I'm alone just like I've always been. A few months now, nothing's changed Nothing between us, no feelings rearranged. That day has left me broken and bruised One more thing to add to this constant abuse. It's useless to try and see The way I wish that things could be.

You wonder why I kept my distance On those lonely summer nights, By the lakeside. Everything seemed so fine. lost in a haze of what is real, and what is fake, Always myself to blame. Like make believe, a paradox between points A and B, I've been left hanging here, Holding on to every last word (you said) A handful of promises I'll never keep. A gust of wind fills my lungs, with every breath I feel your heart beating close to mine. This all may be for the worst (for the worst) But I've never felt better. The words you say will never carry the weight on your back as you clench your teeth. With every step I take, I know this is what I need.

I've fought the urge too many times before with reason It was the first time I've seen snow this season And I get down more and more everyday, but hey, What else can I do? This is therapy for me This is what helps me keep on going I can't put this much heart into anything else I hope you see that this means everything to me It feels like it's always winter here And maybe spring will come sometime next year But until then, I'll be stuck in a rut that I can't get out of I can't get out of this This is therapy for me This is what helps me keep on going I can't put this much heart into anything else I hope you see that this means everything to me And I've been trying my best lately to stay on track Because I don't wanna look back

So much has changed back home since you left without packing all your things I always drive past your house hoping you'll be sitting on your porch I still smell the smoke on your clothes And I can still hear those secondhand stories fall off your tongue It's just not the same around here without you Most of the time I feel like you're in over your head out there You ran away from the midwest and traded it in for beaches and east coast sunsets Don't take in too much too soon Keep your chin up out there Don't forget where you came from and who cares about you Whenever you're missing home, just look at your arm You've got the state lines inked into your forearm There's still memories of you pinned on my wall Maybe you'll be here next year to waste the fall away, watching the leaves blow across my driveway We could listen to American Football and talk about high school Just like we did the years before

opportunity has shown itself to me all too many times before turn and ran out the back door slammed the screen on everything a sign that i’m leaving receding and giving up too many times before i’ve walked away from doors that i haven’t opened i’m becoming what i hate and it all feels the same and i’ve got no one left to blame except myself weighing down on me things i thought i needed so i stayed inside back against the floor closed eyes to think about this more i’m always running away and the things that i say are losing weight everyday i like to tell myself i try so hard i’m losing time and can’t find rest giving up’s what i do best

Trust is hard, So i stick to myself. My mind can't coincide with those of anyone else. Bankrupt of moral wealth As well as mental health. Been on this path too long to start asking for help. Its like my inhibitions on a mission to fucking maime me. Sneaking suspicions that my faith is trying to tame me. Feel the reapers breath on the back of my neck Embracing the day that im free for him to claim me. Come claim me (x4) No amount of time will ever help to erase My hate stained brain and lasting state of disgrace. Til the day that i die i remain solitary. Through thick and thin best interest never wins, aready admit defeat before the battle begins, As i watch all that i love slowly slip into the darkness. Its the cross that i bare And the hell i live in. Stick to myself, I dont need no one else, Ill be just fine. I don't need any help.

Hate is the only thing driving my heart It fuels the fire and tears this world apart Hate is the only thing driving my heart It fuels the fire and tears this world apart I know I’ve gone back on my word But lately this feels right There’s too much disappointment held inside me tonight My mind is learning to fight And this time there’s no fucking “might” I’m done with you, you’re out of my sight You made me think that I lost my mind After I searched for months there was nothing left to find You’ve gone from hopeful to worthless Set the bar at the ground I gave you chances thinking one day you would come around This is the tip of the fucking iceberg And I think I’ve had enough I’ve always wished the best but now I’m wishing the worst Burn in hell, I know you’ll be there first You’re just a thief You’re a fucking disease Think you can take what you want and just leave Well you can’t and I’ll teach you that I’m taking back what’s mine, Overthrowing you from where you sat I know where I stand with people like you You’re always back and forth Well now I’m right here with the truth This is the last time I put my heart before my head I’ve pursued a life where dreams around me end up dead My hope is in hoping everything will turn out fine The last thing I need is to turn out like you If I fall back on your name Then death to me Put a bullet in my brain Where did you get your sense of entitlement? And who the fuck put you on top? Where did you get your sense of entitlement? Who the fuck put you on top?